Who is the Best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

I was having one of those pointless yet meaningful discussions with a friend about who was the best ninja turtle. In case you’re already lost, I’m referring to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and of course Michelangelo. My friend had the nerve to claim Leonardo was in fact the best. Now clearly he’s wrong, but if I told you the right answer you might just stop reading. Instead I’ll try and produce a valid argument, and hopefully by the end of it you’ll come to the same conclusion as I have.

Now for starters we know that all four turtles have the same training. However, they do differ in the weapons they chose to master. So if we’re going to compare them on their weapons we can immediately eliminate Raphael. Let’s be honest Sais may look cool, but they’re just a glorified cross between a knife and a fork. Unless the enemy is wielding sporks, Raphael is just out-matched. Although the thought of Raphael fighting crime with silverware is ridiculous, so is the idea of nun-chucks. I must admit I hopped on the nun-chuck bandwagon when I first saw Michelangelo use his chucks. But I was young, and didn’t know any better. Truth is this is a very basic weapon. It’s just holding something and swinging something. The same affect can be accomplished by fighting with a yo-yo, but at least with a yo-yo you can walk the dog. The other downside with nun-chucks is the potential risk involved with using them. I could hop online right now and Youtube thousands of videos where someone hits themselves while swinging nun-chucks. Plus most of these videos probably involve a crouch shot, but that’s not the point. The point is this weapon is just too risky to use in a real fight. The only weapons that would be truly successful in a fight are Leonardo’s sword and Donatello’s bow.

At this point you’re probably thinking that a bow is just a stick and is no match for a sword. Unfortunately you would be jumping to conclusions, and should stop to look at the facts. People have been hitting each other with sticks since the cavemen. Truth is hitting someone with a stick is so simple it’s idiot-proof. Not to mention a bow has the same reach as a sword, yet the sword does have cutting power. The fact that the sword could cut through a bow is probably the only argument one could make for the sword. However, if you’re trained to kill with a bow and someone cuts your bow in half, do you know what you have? Two bows. That’s right you just gave someone who could kill you with one stick two sticks. As far as weapons are concerned, I’d have to say the winner is clearly Donatello with his bow.

The other deciding factor in best turtle would be personality. This will be a real short debate because the facts are simple. Leonardo is too uptight, Raphael is too hot-tempered, and Michelangelo can’t take anything seriously. Again Donatello is the winner with his cool head and innovative ideas. He is not only someone I would fight alongside, but someone whose company I’d enjoy for a post-fight beer… or pizza if he prefers.

Once again I’m going to have to put my money on the guy in purple. Donatello is the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Who Affects People’s Lives More, Clowns or Mimes?

Today’s question addresses whether it is clowns or mimes who are the more important part of our society. From an entertainment point of view, clowns are clearly the victor. Honestly, who would admit that they enjoy watching mimes over clowns? Unfortunately this question is not all about fun and games. We can’t make this decision based solely on what’s fun. Instead we have to look at what’s better for our lives. What can these two groups of entertainers teach us? Clowns can teach us how to cram a lot of people into a car. However, we don’t need clowns for that. Any twelve Mexicans with a pickup truck can teach us that trick. But mimes, on the other hand, teach us survival skills. What if you ended up trapped in an invisible, soundproof box? After watching a mime, you would know the best course of action would be to start feeling around for an invisible door handle. After hearing this many people would think the survival skills taught by mimes make them the more valuable performers. Personally I’m not convinced. If I may go back to my first point, clowns are the better entertainers, and as we all know, laughter is the best gift of all.

Now you have to ask yourself, what’s more important, survival or laughter? If it was me, I’d rather have the time of my life stuck in a box than a lifetime of silence.

I say enjoy life, stick with the clowns.

What's Another Word for Synonym?

Well as most people know, this question doesn't have a real answer. Truth is, if you look up “synonym” in a dictionary, it will say something along the lines of “A word having the same meaning as another word in the language”. However, if you look up synonym in a thesaurus, you will find that the actual word synonym has no synonyms for it. It’s a little ironic I know, but I’m just answering a question, not defending the legitimacy of the entire English language... If you do want to debate the legitimacy of our language, try Webster, I hear he knows a lot about words.

Who Wins the Battle Royale of the Breakfast Cereal Characters?

Wanting to know who is the strongest of the breakfast kingdom is not unusual, luckily I have the answer for you. However, this is a two part answer. If you were to stop me on the street and ask me this question, I would tell you that in 1989 the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had their own breakfast cereal. If you’re unfamiliar with the Ninja Turtles, let me summarize… The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are four mutant turtles trained in the martial arts that are able to save the day on a regular basis. Not only that, but they were able to do it before the end of their 30 minute cartoon show. Clearly the disguise wearing Trix Rabbit, or Lucky the Leprechaun who is constantly running from mere children do not stand a chance against the heroes in a half shell… Turtle Power!





However, there is a second part to my answer. Some of you might not think it’s fair that I’m using cereal mascots from the late 80s to win my battles. After all, let’s be honest the cereal wasn’t that great, and you’d have a hard time finding a box of it today. So if you’re looking for a champion of today’s balanced breakfast, I’d have to say Tony the Tiger. This answer might not surprise you since tigers have always been fierce predators, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Also Tony is more than just a tiger. He keeps in very good physical shape, playing sports like baseball and soccer. But if you put aside his great physical shape and his tiger strength, there is still one important factor that makes him the winner. Tony the Tiger wears a bandanna. As we all know, wearing a bandanna means you are part of a gang. I don’t know about you, but I’m not prepared to mess with Tony or his gang. Even if you had Snap and Crackle to back you up, Tony and his homies don’t just kill you, they kill your family.

So in conclusion, unless you’re rolling with your ninja-loving turtle brothers, you better step aside when you see Tony coming through.

Great question, Keep em' coming...

Which Came First, the Chicken or the Egg?

This question has been going around forever. In fact the question should really be "Which came first; the chicken, the egg, or the question itself?" In theory there are two different sides to this story. Either the chicken had to come first to lay the first egg, or the egg had to come first to hatch the first chicken. Now you can pick one of those two sides and continue arguing endlessly, but not me. The answer is simple, however, you have to look past the chicken… allow me to explain.

Simply put, we all know dinosaurs laid eggs; dinosaurs came before chickens, so by default the egg came first.

Many of you who believe the egg came first will probably stop reading, and start rubbing it in the faces of your chicken-loving opponents. But I am not done just yet. Although I believe the egg came first, there is one exception; was there some kind of prehistoric chicken dinosaur that could have been laying eggs all this time? Anyone who has seen Jurassic Park knows 2 things; a vibrating glass of water means a T-Rex attack is coming, and that dinosaurs are descended from birds. Although it probably would not be the scariest of dinosaurs, I could imagine a prehistoric chicken-a-saurus rex walking around laying eggs. After all, cavemen had to scramble something for breakfast.

So to answer the question, the egg probably came first. However, the real question is whether it hatched a chicken or a chicken-a-saurus rex.